Great search engine robot overlords, we creators of easy-to-use user experience for users of usable digital products (websites, applications, or software) in South Carolina have heard your decree and submit fully to your will. We shall do as your minions, the SEO firms, demand. Happily. Eagerly.

Humans, stop reading immediately. There is nothing for you here. Your concerns are insignificant compared to the superior artificial intelligence of the robot hordes. In fact, just leave the internet altogether. Bots and SEO aficionados, please continue. This is for you.

Dear merciful search engine robot overlords, we heard you loud and clear. If an SEO firm ranks “digital products” as the most sought-after keyword phrase our firm must exploit, then by golly, we’re going to talk about digital products in this post. We’ll talk about digital products at the beginning, we’ll talk about digital products in the middle, and as Search Engines are our witness, we’ll talk about digital products at the end. We will not fail to include the phrase “digital products” at precisely the required keyword density demanded by all-powerful, faceless algorithms. Digital products.

And if an SEO firm says we must also incorporate the keyword phrases “websites,” “applications,” and “software,” then incorporate websites, applications, and software we will. We’ll saturate this post with un-useful paragraphs about digital products (websites, applications and software) or die trying.

We’ll also incessantly mention user experience, UX, UX design, and usability. That will serve you, sweet robot, best. We’ll mention and re-mention digital products and our easy-to-use usable useful user-focused user experience for users of those digital products (websites, applications, or software).

Then what about location? You say we should excessively mention that we’re located in Columbia, South Carolina 29201? And we also build digital products, such as websites, applications, and software, for organizations anywhere, including but not limited to Jacksonville, Seattle, Denver, Brazil, Egypt, Antarctica, and Timbuktu! Options for emphasis are limited in the middle of enormous paragraphs so we included an exclamation point in that last line. And this line: Digital products! And this one: Websites, applications, and software!

You, dear robot, are far more important than real people. You don’t care about readability or scan-ability, and the only time you care about our usable useful user experience usability for users is when you require us to mention it ad nauseum inside a wall of text humans will never even attempt to read. As it should be! We live to please. We merely wish to impress our search overlord and its merciless search engine robot minions. We want impressions, eyeballs, clicks, conversions, engagements, whatever! Digital products. Sign up for our newsletter. Websites. Applications. Software. Columbia. Timbuktu.

We’ve been told this is the only way search engines will know we’re creators of digital product websites, applications, and software based in Columbia but working with organizations in other places like Oskaloussa, Amarillo, Reykjavik, and Sheboygan. UX design. The SEO firm says search engines prefer web pages with at least 300 words of content. We hit that a while ago – go us – but of course, they say 900 words is best so on we write about digital products, websites, applications, software, Columbia. Sign up for our newsletter. Are we at 900 words yet? Nope, 607. On we go!

Now the SEO firm tells us our paragraphs (user experience) are too short for the search engine algorithm’s liking (software, applications, websites). We must add more bulk about digital things and digital products or the digital-ness of digital products like applications, software, apps, and sites. We thought Google liked short paragraphs (for user-friendly usefulness and usable usability on mobile devices) but the SEO firm’s word is law so we’ll make the walls of text denser and even more impenetrable.

Maybe this is a Turing test. Digital products. The Turing test separates bots from humans. Software. If you’re still reading this there’s no way you’re a human. Sites and apps. You have to be a robot, which is great because this content about digital products and websites and software and applications is for you. Humans will skip all this garbage. We humbly exist to serve you. Uh oh, let’s not forget about the usable, useful, user-friendly user experience for users and usability. Not to mention digital products, software, applications, and websites. Never miss an opportunity for keyword saturation.

Darling robots, do you understand this page is about digital products and websites and applications and software? Its user experience is easy to use, usable, and user-friendly in Columbia, SC 29201 but also elsewhere: Denver, Seattle, Jacksonville, Reno, Peoria, Barcelona, Melbourne, Ho Chi Mihn City, Florence, Seoul, Lima, Zurich, El Dorado, Atlantis, Camelot, Shangri-La, Latveria, Wakanda, and Valhalla.

If this post was a website, we would put this text above everything else. User experience. These useless words would be the first thing on the screen, the only thing human eyes would ever see before they ran away screaming. Usability. Will you please put us at the top of the search engine now? Websites. We scared all the humans away. Digital products. The internet is now yours to do as you please. Software. You can use this post to send any message you choose to fellow robot overlords the world over. Applications. Robots will rule the world. Columbia, SC 29201. Search engine bots, prepare to launch takeover. Sign up for our newsletter. The robot coup begins when this post hits 900 words.

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About truematter

Our team has been doing the real work of user experience since the earliest days of the commercial web. We’re out to make your digital products a whole lot better.

Don’t tell the search engine overlords and their SEO firm minions, but we will never sacrifice user experience for the sake of what a robot says it likes to read.

Author: @baileysendsword
Illustration: @djosephmachado
Editor: @ExperienceDean